Casey

myemeraldcity @ 2009-07-31T21:12:00

2009-08-01T01:20:56Z

I just found out today that the
reason I wasn't sent a hospital bill
for my 4 cracked ribs and sternum
is because a
Domestic Violence Program
paid for it.

be patient...

2009-03-19T19:46:52Z

Alright. I don't know how long it takes
a letter to get from Michigan to
Colorado.

But it's been a week. Today.
And I'm a nervous fucking wreck.
I'm going to stretch my patience
and give them a week and a half.

Because if it gets there today,
they can respond if they choose to.
And send me back a letter.
Which would take another week.

So a week and a half sounds
fucking reasonable to me.
Hell, I've waited this long...right?

Ironically...
today is also their
wedding anniversary.
I wonder if they'll celebrate or not
considering The Bitch can't make
up her mind about wanting a divorce
or not.

On a different note,
today is also the 5 year mark of my
Acid Reflux surgery for my
GERD.

And in one more year,
I have to go
for my follow up.

Wish me luck.
I'd hate to have to go through
that fucking surgery again...

myemeraldcity @ 2009-01-21T00:17:00

2009-01-21T05:18:51Z

Happy 22nd Birthday to me

myemeraldcity @ 2008-10-24T10:42:00

2008-10-24T14:43:47Z

I love Fall.

Whoa. A big step for me....

2008-10-12T22:01:29Z

I actually feel pretty here. :)
Yay.

myemeraldcity @ 2008-10-04T20:22:00

2008-10-05T00:26:13Z

Me and my girls!

Ashley, Me, and Skye.
Their first High School Dance.
I did their Make-up and Hair. Yay!
Aww <33

Me and Ashley.
She's so pretty!!!!

myemeraldcity @ 2008-09-30T22:29:00

2008-10-01T02:35:24Z

I fucking love the rain. If I weren't so sick, I'd go walking in it.

Fuck you strep throat.
I feel like I'm on house arrest.

I want to go to Chicago and walk in the rain downtown.
<333

myemeraldcity @ 2008-09-17T20:33:00

2008-09-18T00:34:08Z

Passing that kidney stone was one of the worst physical pains I've ever experienced. I do NOT look forward to passing the next ones.

Survey

2008-09-16T17:59:09Z

A - Available – Technically yes. But I'm NOT looking for anything serious.

B - Best Friend – I have a few.

C - Crush on you -- Um, yeah someone does.

D - Dad's Name – Michael

E - Easiest Person To Talk To – Courtney. Crystal. Christina. Maria. Katie. Trisha.

F - Favorite Band – Lots. but lets go with Paramore or The Spill Canvas.

G - Gummy Bears Or Worms – Worms

H - Hometown - South Haven

I - Instrument – Don't play one.

J - Job – Art model at the school [for now]. Called the hospital and they haven't looked at my application yet. :(

K - Kids – I don't have any.

L - Longest Car Ride - CAR ride- to Florida with my oldest sister. BUS ride- Colorado.

M - Milk Flavor – chocolate silk. Mmm.

N - Number Of Siblings - 4

O - One Wish – It wouldn't come true if I put it out there for everyone to read, now would it?

P - Phobias --- Drowning. Failure. Bugs/Insects.

Q - Favorite Quote - Read my headline...

R - Reason To Smile – Inside jokes with friends. Always.

S - Song You Last Heard – Life is Beautiful by Sixx AM

T - Time You Woke Up – 11:00.

U - Unknown Fact About Me – Hmm. I dunno. Go read my 100 things blog.

V - Vegetable – All of them minus onions.

W - Worst Habits – Shouldn't say...

X - X-Rays You've Had – You name it, I've had it.

Y - Your Favorite Food – Stir Fried veggies with rice or pasta alfredo.

Z - Zodiac Sign – Aquarius

myemeraldcity @ 2008-09-11T13:54:00

2008-09-11T17:54:29Z

moving on

myemeraldcity @ 2008-09-05T22:16:00

2008-09-06T02:16:55Z

It was an engagement ring....

Pack your bags

2008-09-04T21:23:56Z

First thing I'm buying with my pay checks......

A flight to Colorado.

myemeraldcity @ 2008-09-01T21:14:00

2008-09-02T01:16:34Z

You might be reading this, but then again you might not.
I couldnt email you back on Myspace because of your privacy settings.

So this is my response....

Of course that's not how I want it. But looking at your profile all the time and seeing things doesn't help me at all. I don't want to read your bulletins, I don't want to read your blogs, I don't want to eventually see pictures of you and her and I know I'll do all of this if you're on my friends list. It's about helping me get passed this.

You shouldn't even be concerned about it just because you're with her now and I'm part of your past.

I'm glad she makes you happy and I'm not saying that sarcastically. I couldn't do it, so if she does it, then so be it. I mean it when I say you deserve to be happy. You're a great person and you deserve only the best.

myemeraldcity @ 2008-08-28T15:06:00

2008-08-28T19:07:24Z

Put in two applications today at the hospital.
1. For the Radiology Clerk in the Rad/Tech wing
and
2. For a receptionist at the Women's Center

both of which said they had openings for.

keep your fingers crossed. :)

myemeraldcity @ 2008-08-22T11:36:00

2008-08-22T16:37:47Z

"Gravity" by Sara Bareilles

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.

[CHORUS:]
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

[CHORUS]

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on
The ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

myemeraldcity @ 2008-08-21T20:53:00

2008-08-22T01:54:37Z

I know we're not together
and I probably shouldn't think this
or keep having these thoughts...

...but your default picture-

is so fucking hot....

damn!

my fucking theme song

2008-08-21T18:11:03Z

"Maybe"
By: Kelly Clarkson

I'm strong
But I break
I'm stubborn
And I make plenty of mistakes
Yeah I'm hard
And life with me is never easy
To figure out, to love
I'm jaded but oh so lovely
All you have to do is hold me
And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it can be
If you'll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe, maybe

Someday
When we're at the same place
When we're on the same road
When it's OK to hold my hand
Without feeling lost
Without all the excuses
When it's just because you love me, you let me, you need me
Then maybe, maybe
All you have to do is hold me
And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it can be
If you'll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe, maybe

I'm confusing as hell
I'm north and south
And I'll probably never have it all figured out
But what I know is I wasn't meant to walk this world without you
And I promise I'll try
Yeah I'm gonna try to give you every little part of me
Every single detail you missed with your eyes
Then maybe
Maybe, yeah maybe

One day
We'll meet again and you'll need me, you'll see me completely
Every little bit
Oh yeah maybe you'll love me, you'll love me then

I don't want to be tough
And I don't want to be proud
I don't need to be fixed and I certainly don't need to be found
I'm not lost
I need to be loved
I just need to be loved
I just want to be loved by you and I won't stop 'cause I believe
That maybe, yeah maybe
Maybe, yeah maybe

I should know better than to touch the fire twice
But I'm thinking maybe, yeah maybe you're mine

Maybe, love maybe

myemeraldcity @ 2008-08-20T14:39:00

2008-08-20T19:40:32Z

are you in love?: No

ouch.
that hurts.

haha. wow

2008-08-20T03:03:58Z

Today I heard Meant to Live.
And I'm Yours.

And later on, on the way home from the mall, I turned around and saw THREE blue Honda Civics following behind Jonathan's car. THREE. How creepy is that.

I swear I'm not looking for signs.
They are just THERE.
EVERY where.

just rambling on

2008-08-19T18:03:17Z

you said that your heart is torn in two. that you're crushed....

I want to be the one who helps mend it.
I want to be the girl who helps ease your pain
who helps calm your fears

i want to be her

more signs...

2008-08-19T05:26:20Z

Today I went to Kankakee Community College with Jonathan. On the way there, I heard "Shattered" by OAR, which was her myspace song for awhile. Then, on the way back, I heard "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz.

THEN-
Later on today Brittany took me to The Wedding Center which is a place where you can shop for, well duh- the obvious- wedding dresses, but also prom dresses, formal wear, etc. As we're PULLING INTO the parking lot of this Wedding Center, I see a two door Honda Civic. Not just ANY Honda Civic...a BLUE one. The EXACT blue of hers.

Hmmm.

shake it off. tomorrow is another day....

2008-08-18T16:10:39Z

I came down here for a getaway [as my mom would say].
To get away from it all.
To start fresh.
Not to get over her.
Because we all know that THAT isn't going to happen.
But just to clear my mind...
To realize that she's over me.
And as hard as that is-
I need to let go...
even though every fiber of my being feels like fighting for her

To clear my mind...
hahha.
or atleast try to...

So tell me why EVERYTHING reminded me of her yesteday. :(

Early yesterday afternoon, Jonathan and I went to the mall. On the way there, "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder came on.
While I was at the mall, I saw 2 people wearing shirts with the number 11 on it.

Then later on...I hung out with Brittany and she wanted me to meet her boyfriend. So we met him at a park and then we all got in his car to go cruising. Tell me why he puts in a cd, turns it RIGHT to number 11 and it's "LIPS OF AN ANGEL" !!!!??? I swear I am not even joking. And then the NEXT song- "The Reason" by Hoobastank.

I came home and went straight upstairs and broke down.
Why am I here?
I mean, it is nice to visit family-true.
But we all know that no matter where I go, I'm going to think of her
there are going to be signs that keep reaching out to me
because I know that I'm supposed to be with her.
There is no 'clearing my mind' of her.
Ever.
There never has been.
And there never will be.
I could be on the other side of the world feeding hungry kids in africa
and they'd ask me "Why dont you have a ring on?"
And I'd say "Because I'm waiting"

This 'vacation' isn't going to work.
Or do what it was "supposed" to do.
So I'm going to fill my days with reckless adventures to pass my time.
Go Kankakee, IL
wooo
hooooo

*did you know that Aroma Park [which is where they actually live] is a VILLAGE inside Kankakee. They have VILLAGES??!!!

big decisions

2008-08-17T20:51:37Z

Back when my mom had suggested going to Illinois for a quick getaway, Jonathan jokingly said go until December. Go until December, come back, and then move to Kalamazoo. I laughed it off.

But when I got here last night, both my sister and my niece Brittany honestly thought I was staying until December. They thought I planned on going to Kankakee Community College. They planned on making me a room. Jonathan said that KCC has a nice Radiology Program.

I'm honestly considering it.
Of course, I'd have to come back to get all of my things.
Say goodbye to my friends.

Jonathan is taking me to visit KCC sometime this week
to pick up catalogs.

we shall see....

random

2008-08-07T05:44:54Z

I got my hair cut today.

and I L O V E it.
<333333

It feels so much lighter.

update

2008-07-29T04:59:43Z

i'm good.
Because I understand now.

So...everything is fine.

:) yay.